Sophia, Sophia...where art thou?

So back when I was small and in the back of my parent's Cadillac or Lincoln Towncar. I think they had both of those cars when I was little and I hated one of them with a passion. Anyways, I remember always talking about an invisible friend named Sophia. I use to do it for my entertainment and then once my parents played along with me I felt more inclined to keep Sophia alive to keep them entertained as well. I was entertaining myself watching them amazed at how I would react to a person that really didn't exist. I was hoping for them to wonder if I really saw someone but as I got older, Sophia kind of sucked. I would forget about her and close her in the door and my parents would bring her up from time to time long after the lifeless, stubborn, rude, and invisible friend was dead to me. Sophia was the type of friend that kept me company and who I had to talk to when my mother told me to sit back and be quiet. The backseat was huge and I had to find someone to share it with and talk to. Sophia was my escape to say something when there was nothing else to be said or no one would listen. I recently thought of her and felt like looking her name up to see what she meant. I never knew or met anyone named Sophia. My dad use to ask me where I got the name from and I had no idea. However, the fact that her memory comes to me, it makes me wonder. Sophia means "wisdom" in Greek and has the theological concept of having "wisdom of God". I find this so important because my father and I discussed life application according to the Bible a few weeks ago. I told my dad what I really wanted and felt I needed in my life. I am not getting any younger.

I don't tell my dad much but he is one that embraces God's wisdom and may not be living in my world, but can identify what my world may be like through what he has learned in his studies. He really talked to me about the Bible and what I need to be doing and that although the instructions of the Bible may be ancient and seem not to apply in this changing world, it is still beyond relevant. I don't have any resolutions going into 2011. However, I know that in order for my future groom to find me, I need to get something inside of me that a virtuous woman needs and that's my invisible friend "Sophia". The one thing that I knew was there but no one could see. I need the "wisdom of God" and his armor to shield me. All these other things that I desire will come me, but I need to make sure that I prove myself to the man that sees the God in me. I thank God for the memory of "Sophia". The invisible childhood friend has given me and adult moment of clarity.

Dreams

One thing that I love is Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams". I think that we all have a place in our hearts to love and I love the way this song speaks on freedom. Free from the pain and discipline that focusing on one person can bring. If you love, you will endure some type of pain. I can't tell you what types come with each person you deal with, but it's true. It just depends on what type of pain you are willing to accept. What kind of pain will you endure because of your love? You have to decide. I decide as it comes. When I listen to "Dreams" alone, I wonder why they named the song that word. Is it that the person was in a relationship and dreamed to be alone? They want you to look back at what you had and what you lost. I think I can look back and say with every good thing I lost, I also lost a heap of bad things. It just depends on what you want to look back for. Are you going to take an optimistic approach and be glad you removed yourself from such ridiculous situations or are you going to be pessimistic about it and say you should have stayed. I have done a little bit of both and decided that where I am is where I am meant to be. If it wasn't so then I would still be in those relationships. I think so. Your peeves, your habits, your routines, and every inch of you will be challenged with space. As it gets more serious, their life will intertwine with yours and the selfish part of you has to die. Who is worth you tucking away and adjusting these things for love? From the beginning, work hard to be you and it will be easier to decide. Less time will be wasted if you be honest and look at how you and that person operates together. You should try this song out when you are alone and feel like you want out or in of potential love. It reminds you to listen to your heart.

Ecclesiastes 2

I read Ecclesiastes 2 this morning and I am a fan of the King James Version, but I had to have it translated to me in other ways. Technology is so great in this sense. I don't have to buy the different variations of the Bible because it is all online. I didn't understand any of it at first and I guess it was a great thing that I read the whole passage. I would have crushed my dreams of moving toward success if I would have taken a different action. The beginning talked about how the writer worked hard and gained everything he wanted in life, including knowledge and money. However, he had a negative view of it all, calling it "vexation of spirit". I read on and at the end he spoke that he realized that all of this is possible through God and that if he (God) is truly happy with you, he will give it you. Yet, if he isn't he will make sure its not something that you are blessed with or take from you all that you have gained. I wonder how that feels? I wonder how do you know if God is truly happy with what you do? What is enough? Is that something that you can put a cap on? Did I read this correctly? That is what is on my mind today.....Is God happy with me? Is my relationship good enough? Of course he has been nothing but good to me, but is he happy enough with me to give me the strength to take my life to the level that I want to move to?

Let's Get It!

I put together some things that I was going to take to TN, but trying to figure out when I am going. Hmmmmm.....I need to figure out when I am going to do alot of things. It gets rough when you put yourself to the test over and over again with some problems. Yet, I know that I will adjust each try. It's all about getting closer to my dreams. My love life can't get in the way no time soon, because I honestly can say that I don't have one. I honestly think that I am going to miss my mark and not be able to have the kids that I want to have. Probably be married when I am like 50 or will I even get married? Seems, men want to wait until the very last second to get married....then they want to pick some young spring chicken that honestly knows nothing about life, but happy to catch a man in this crazy world. No more blogging for today....I fell off into the deep end. It happened so fast.