Friday, November 5, 2010
Ecclesiastes 2
I read Ecclesiastes 2 this morning and I am a fan of the King James Version, but I had to have it translated to me in other ways. Technology is so great in this sense. I don't have to buy the different variations of the Bible because it is all online. I didn't understand any of it at first and I guess it was a great thing that I read the whole passage. I would have crushed my dreams of moving toward success if I would have taken a different action. The beginning talked about how the writer worked hard and gained everything he wanted in life, including knowledge and money. However, he had a negative view of it all, calling it "vexation of spirit". I read on and at the end he spoke that he realized that all of this is possible through God and that if he (God) is truly happy with you, he will give it you. Yet, if he isn't he will make sure its not something that you are blessed with or take from you all that you have gained. I wonder how that feels? I wonder how do you know if God is truly happy with what you do? What is enough? Is that something that you can put a cap on? Did I read this correctly? That is what is on my mind today.....Is God happy with me? Is my relationship good enough? Of course he has been nothing but good to me, but is he happy enough with me to give me the strength to take my life to the level that I want to move to?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Documenting an Old Journal Entry
This journal entry comes from October 28, 2009 @ 2:45 PM:
They say that he won't put on you more than you can bare. Yet, I complain like my life is unbearable. I love people, I love myself, I love God, but I don't love where i am . I really don't know how to apply all of my knowledge to help me. My inconsistence is becoming my downfall, and I don't know how to break this one habit that is hurting the breakinf of my many bad habits. Yet, I am trying again. i will be successful. I will have what I want and need out of life. This is hard, but I know it has to happen. Today, begins a new planand a new beginning. This book will remain with me and I will stick to my plans. When or if I don't, my life will follow through with consequences. Today, I complained and somehow Xi Dang ( a little Asian lady) felt compelled to come to me. She asked me for help and now she wants a job. I need help and a job. However, I told her that I will do what I can to help her. Lord, help me help her despite my sorrow.
I remember this day, I was very down. When this lady came to me, I was very willing to help her. I did well in making moves until I realized she needed more than just help. At that time in my life, I had so much I had to focus on and very little time. I helped her for as long as I could, but ended up having to let her be. I lead her to the water, but I couldn't do much more because she became emotionally attached. She was over 60 and didn't want to stay at home, she wanted to work. Her family had abandoned her and after working with her as much as I could....I too had to abandon her. It's important to understand that helping people is a a good thing, but when you are drowning and can hardly swim yourself.....you must survive. I couldn't give her al she wanted. I did what she initially asked, but the rest I couldn't do. Let me paint you a picture. I saw her out at sea drowning and I jump out to help and save her even though I could hardly swim. I grab her and keep her head above water as I try to get both of us to dry ground, but instead of that being enough she wants to ride my back. She turns and jumps on my back as I try to paddle and the weight of her interrupts my stride and pushes my head under water. This causes me to have a panic attack because I am no longer in control of the situation. So, I realize we are close to the surface and knock her off my back as I cough up the water I swallowed. She can stand if she tries to, but if she still thinks she is in deep water and never attempts to place her feet on solid ground, she will drown.
That's how it happened and I still don't know how she is. I don't feel bad about it because I did more than anyone would have done. Many grown people have held on to the rule of not talking to strangers in the first place. In that alone, I have done more to help than anyone would have. So, I guess my point is. Help others, but don't put yourself under trying to help the next person. If you do, don't turn around and list your woes or purposefully blame that person for your downfall. When you are on the airplane, help yourself don the gasmask first, and then help the person that didn't listen or look at the flight attendant during the brief. No grammar check, so you know what it is.
They say that he won't put on you more than you can bare. Yet, I complain like my life is unbearable. I love people, I love myself, I love God, but I don't love where i am . I really don't know how to apply all of my knowledge to help me. My inconsistence is becoming my downfall, and I don't know how to break this one habit that is hurting the breakinf of my many bad habits. Yet, I am trying again. i will be successful. I will have what I want and need out of life. This is hard, but I know it has to happen. Today, begins a new planand a new beginning. This book will remain with me and I will stick to my plans. When or if I don't, my life will follow through with consequences. Today, I complained and somehow Xi Dang ( a little Asian lady) felt compelled to come to me. She asked me for help and now she wants a job. I need help and a job. However, I told her that I will do what I can to help her. Lord, help me help her despite my sorrow.
I remember this day, I was very down. When this lady came to me, I was very willing to help her. I did well in making moves until I realized she needed more than just help. At that time in my life, I had so much I had to focus on and very little time. I helped her for as long as I could, but ended up having to let her be. I lead her to the water, but I couldn't do much more because she became emotionally attached. She was over 60 and didn't want to stay at home, she wanted to work. Her family had abandoned her and after working with her as much as I could....I too had to abandon her. It's important to understand that helping people is a a good thing, but when you are drowning and can hardly swim yourself.....you must survive. I couldn't give her al she wanted. I did what she initially asked, but the rest I couldn't do. Let me paint you a picture. I saw her out at sea drowning and I jump out to help and save her even though I could hardly swim. I grab her and keep her head above water as I try to get both of us to dry ground, but instead of that being enough she wants to ride my back. She turns and jumps on my back as I try to paddle and the weight of her interrupts my stride and pushes my head under water. This causes me to have a panic attack because I am no longer in control of the situation. So, I realize we are close to the surface and knock her off my back as I cough up the water I swallowed. She can stand if she tries to, but if she still thinks she is in deep water and never attempts to place her feet on solid ground, she will drown.
That's how it happened and I still don't know how she is. I don't feel bad about it because I did more than anyone would have done. Many grown people have held on to the rule of not talking to strangers in the first place. In that alone, I have done more to help than anyone would have. So, I guess my point is. Help others, but don't put yourself under trying to help the next person. If you do, don't turn around and list your woes or purposefully blame that person for your downfall. When you are on the airplane, help yourself don the gasmask first, and then help the person that didn't listen or look at the flight attendant during the brief. No grammar check, so you know what it is.
It's What I Do
I am so tired of politics in the United States that I will save my money and move somewhere that I can have peace. With all of the prophesies manifesting, I don't know where that will be. I just know that I am destined for greatness. I know because everything keeps coming back to me and I am in a season of discontent. I am mad at everything and I am looking for solutions to the things that I can change because I don't want my future to offer the same thing that the present time is. My present time is full of blessing but I think that I can perform beyond what God has blessed me with already. I feel as if I can do so much more and I have done so much to take action in my life lately and I am starting to see that I need to work harder than I ever have before. There is no such thing as smooth sailing in life and I have to get over that. I was put in this world and I didn't make it. Many of us have the misconception that having time and money freedom is evil. Some of us think that the rich are lazy. To accomplish greatnesss, it takes a firm belief in God (or whatever some of them believe in), a firm belief that God gave them the power to take control of their lives, consistency, great habits, and a burning desire. Which one of these do you have? Which one of these do I lack? I have to focus on the part of these things that hold me back. It may be the inconsistency or it may be the moments when I feel like I am better off giving up on my hopes and dreams. From the day I was born, I have been here for a purpose. God put me here to accomplish something and I have to be honest with myself about what God has done for me. I never fit in and it was something that bothered me for so long. Now, I see that I don't havet fit in and that I don't care about fitting in. I care about being who I was destined to be. Sorry, I am not proofreading right now....this is a simple spill. So sorry for the bad grammar and misspelled words.
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